Random Akatsuki Stories
by GreenStar13
Summary: I was bored, and listening to the Spice Girls when I thought up this idea, so you can't blame me. Blame them. These are just random drabbles of crap I had to get out of my system, so yeah. Hope you actually like them.
1. I'm Not Getting That!

**Random Akatsuki Stories**

**Okay, so I was really bored so I wrote a whole bunch of random stories that had to do with a character of mine, her name's Ginhoshi. Check out my story 'My First and Only Friend' and the sequel, 'Footprints in the Sand' that I am STILL working on, and it will all make sense to you. Anyway, onward with the randomness!**

**I'm Not Getting That!**

My eye twitched, again, as I felt yet another paperwad hit my back.

Hidan and Kisame high-fived, laughing at my pissed expression. I pushed the chair out and stood up, and left the room. "She's gonna kill you, un..." Deidara smirked, leaning back in his chair. Hidan snorted. "I ain't scared of no skinny ass bitch!"

"You should be, cause I'm gonna kill you!" I bellowed, as I kicked the kitchen door open and ran at him and hit him in the gut with a crowbar. He flew through the wall, and landed in the middle of the backyard. Fuming, I stalked out to him, crowbar still swinging in my hands. Everyone's eyes widened and they gathered outside to watch. "You fucking bitch! I'll kill you for that!" Hidan jumped up and aimed a blow at me with his sycthe. I ducked and shouted, "Ohh, I'm sooo scared!" and swung the crowbar, hitting Hidan forcefully across the side of the face.

Again, Hidan went flying, except not all of him went flying. "Uhhhh... That wasn't supposed to happen..." I said akwardly, watching Hidan's cussing head fly off into the distance, his body flopping to the ground. I walked quietly to stand behind Sasori and Itachi, while the group stood, stunned at what just happened.

Silence.

"I'm not getting that!" I stated, referring to Hidan's head. Deidara and Kisame and Kakuzu burst out laughing. "Someone should go find his head... **Why bother? He'd be quieter without it...**" Zetsu argued with himself.

"Tobi'll go get it, because Tobi's a-" Kakuzu interrupted Tobi. "Yes, Tobi, we all know you're a good boy... Let's go..." He sighed, walking off in the direction Hidan's head flew off in, Tobi skipping along after him.

"Nice one, Ginhoshi... You are officially my favorite person." Pein said, turning arond and going back inside, through the hole in the wall, of course. Konan gave me a dirty, I'm-gonna-kill-you-in-your-sleep look, and followed. I shrugged and and left, along with everyone else.

Later, while me and everyone else were inside eating breakfast, Tobi, Kakuzu and a rather disturbed looking Hidan, walked through the gaping hole in the wall, into the kitchen. "What took you guys so long, yeah?" Deidara asked, biting into a piece of toast. Hidan kept walking, his face blank, and went to his room. "Long story," Kakuzu replied, "just don't mention anything about squirrels around him. Ever." He started to leave the room, then stopped and looked at me, and pointed to the giant hole in the wall. "By the way sweetheart, I'm not paying for that..." He winked at me, than left.

Akward silence.

"What the hell was that, un?"

I blushed scarlett. "I don't have the slightest idea, but for some reason, it made me think of Orochimaru and his pedo-van with the sign for free candy on the side of it..."

I turned to Itachi.

"You should go save your brother, before he gets brutally raped."

He smirked. "I know..."

I rolled my eyes and walked away. _Sometimes, I really wonder what is going on in that head of his..._

**Review and try to imagine what those squirrels did to Hidan that scarred him for life, and what the psychotic Uchiha is REALLY thinking about. Love you all! Smiles! ^^**


	2. Keep Your Opinions of Art to Yourself

**Okay, so here's my second story. I was bored, and then this reared its ugly head, begging to be written. Or I would be blown up. Then my organs would be removed to make a doll. Yeah, that's what I said too... Enjoy! ^^**

**Keep Your Opinions of Art to Yourself...**

"Art is fleeting! An explosion, un!"

"You are highly mistaken, brat. Art is eternal. It lasts forever. Like Hidan, unfortunately for us all..."

"I FUCKING HEARD THAT!"

"Fleeting!"

"Eternal!"

"Fleeting!"

"Eter-" Sasori cut off as I slammed my book down on the kitchen table. "Would you two shut the hell up already? I'm trying to read here!" I yelled, throughly pissed.

Silence.

"No. Eternal!" "Fleeting!" I slapped myself in the forehead. _Why do I even bother? _"Look, you're both wrong!" They paused and looked at me. "Huh?" They said at the same time. I sighed and looked at them seriously. "Art is neither fleeting, nor eternal. Art is like...well, a sunset. Yeah, a sunset!"

Deidara crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "How is art even close to a sunset, yeah?" I smiled. "Deidara, have you ever watched a sunset?" He raised an eyebrow. "No duh. Of course I have, un..."

"And do they last long?" "Not really... Where are you going with this?..." I sat on the edge of the table and crossed my legs. "Just shut up and listen, while I tell you what true art is."

Deidara pouted and sat down in a chair.

"You see, the true works of art are fleeting , lasting only awhile in it's true beauty, yet it will happen everyday, forever. It will continue over and over again, displaying it's true beauty forever, yet for only a few moments at a time. That's what I believe is true art. A rare beauty, lasting forever, yet only a moment..."

Silence.

Deidara's mouths were hanging open, and he fell out of the chair. Sasori, for once, looked in awe. "What? Was it something I said?" I asked, confused.

Deidara scrambled up and shoved past Sasori. "She's mine, un!" Sasori pushed him back. "Not a on your life, brat! She's mine!" They both pulled ad yanked on each other, fighting to get to me first. I raised an eyebrow, my eyes wide. "What did you do now?" I turned around and saw Konan leaning againest the door frame, her arms crossed, an amused look crossing her face.

I shrugged and jumped up. "I don't really know, or care... You wanna go shopping?" She smiled. "Ah, what the hell... Sure. But how are we going to get the money for that?"

I smirked and hooked arms with her. "I have my ways... Oh Kakuzu! I have a favor to ask you!"

We left the kitchen, Sasori and Deidara still fighting over me and my opinions on art.

**Well, here's story number two. Reviews of all kinds are welcome. I need to know if I'm doing a bad job, or a good job. Banana! ^^**


	3. Never, EVER, Bug Kakuzu

**Ok, so here's the next random story I conjured up in my disturbed mind. This is also a good life lesson. Like the title says, never, EVER, bug Kakuzu. He is a creep, and he WILL get you. Or drug your drink while you're not looking... Beware!**

**Never, EVER, Bug Kakuzu**

Poke.

His eye twitched.

Poke. Poke, poke. Poke.

He gritted his teeth and looked at me, murderous thoughts probably running through his head. "Yes?" He forced out through clenched teeth.

"Whatcha doing, Kakuzu?" I said innocently, rocking on my heels.

He sighed and turned around. "What does it look like I'm doing?" His voice was thick with sarcasm and annoyance. I leaned over his shoulder, way too far, and looked at the desk, covered in bills and checks and money.

"Counting money and paying bills and stuff..." I smiled, watching when his eye twitched again.

"Yes, I am. Now go away before I strangle you."

I pouted and pulled a chair up, who knows where it came from, and sat next to him.

I sighed in defeat. "Okay, look. Hidan's being an ass, more so than usual, Kisame creeps me out, Sasori and Deidara are currently stalking me, Itachi locked me out of my bedroom, god only knows what he's doing in ther, and Pein and Konan are busy with stuff I don't care about. And I'll be damned before I even consider hanging out with Tobi or Zetsu. And Orochimaru..." I trailed off, shuddering at the thought of that pedofile.

"And your point is?..." Kakuzu asked, sealing an envelope and adding it to a stack of papers.

I sighed.

"Can I hang out in here? I promise I won't bug you..." I looked at him hopefully, pleading with my eyes.

"No."

I pouted. "Why the hell not?"

He smirked. "Because I said so." My eyes narrowed. "What kind of shit answer is that? Come on, seriously?" He raised an eyebrow and stuck a stamp on a form. He paused and turned around and faced me. "Fine. You can stay. But only if you answer two questions first."

I huffed. "What are they?" He smirked, his eyes glintting with something I didn't catch._ Oh dear god, what is he thinking?_

"How old are you?"

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Uhm... sixteen. Why?"

He smirked and grinned behind his mask pervertedly. "Oh... No reason... Now tell me..."

"Yeah?" I crossed my arms, confused and highly suspicious now.

"How do you feel about tentacles?"

My eyes widened, and my jaw dropped. _What?_

"You look pretty when you're scared..."

I snapped around and jumped up and flung the door open and sprinted down the hallway. I made it to the edge of the staircase and leaped, literally leaped, down all twenty-seven stairs and flipped on top of Hidan and Kisame on the couch. I latched onto hidan's waistline like a leech, my eyes huge.

"WHAT THE FUCK? BITCH, GET YOUR SKINNY ASS OFF OF ME, NOW!"

I hugged him. "Kakuzu's a pedofile, did you know that?" I whispered softly, my voice high-pitched with petrification.

Silence.

Hidan burst out laughing.

"He asked you the tentacle question, didn't he?" Kisame asked, boredly.

"Yes, yes he did."

By now, Hidan's face was red and he had tears coming out of his eyes, he was laughing so hard.

"I feel bad for you." Kisame said, patting my shoulder.

"Me too."

**Poor, poor Ginhoshi! I just had to write this though. If I didn't, it would still be in my mind, and that is not healthy for ANYONE. Reviews are welcome. Next one will be more perverted than this one, just to let you know...**


	4. You're Doing WHAT, with HIM!

**Here's a story that can easily be misconceived as perverted. And it totally is... HA! So enjoy, cause I'm running out of brilliant ideas, so any suggestions, I'm all ears...**

**You're Doing WHAT, with HIM?**

I rubbed my eyes, yawning and trudged sleepily into the kitchen.

"Good-morning, Ginhoshi! Tobi is so glad to see you on this lovely morning!" Tobi yelled excitedly, waving his hands in the air. I gave him a half asleep look and told him to "Bite me...", and continued walking.

"Was it something Tobi said?"

Deidara smacked him in the back of the head with the newspaper. "Leave my sweet little star alone, Tobi! She obviously doesn't want to talk to you, un... She wants to talk to me, right Ginhoshi?"

I flipped him off and poured myself a cup of coffee, then I bent down to the cupboard under the sink to grab a box of cereal. "Damn... Nice ass, bitch..." I paused and picked up the cup of steaming hot coffee and walked over to the pervertedly grinning Hidan.

Next thing you know, and Hidan is on the floor, holding his face, screaming in agony. Pein, Konan and Kakuzu walked into the kitchen at that moment. Pein raised an eyebrow. "Why is Hidan- You know what, I don't want to know..." He walked by, Konan following him, trying to hold back fits of giggles.

Kakuzu smirked and stepped over the writhing hidan, and sat down next to me at the table. "Very well done... I absolutely adore you..."

I rolled my eyes and mumbled, "Sure you do, pedofile... Too bad for you I'm not interested..." I stood up, right as Itachi walked through the doorway, and stopped me with his hand. He leaned by my ear and handed me a concealed object. "You left this in my room..."

My cheeks flushed bright scarlett, and I snatched it and quickly left.

Everybody frooze and looked at Itachi.

Silence.

Even Hidan shut-up.

"What the hell was that, yeah?" Deidara shrieked in his high pitched voice, slamming his fist on the table, than yelping and flinching back when his hand-mouth bit it's tongue.

Itachi smirked, and left.

Kisame rolled his eyes, leaning againest the wall. "Speak for yourself... Those two were at it all night... Wouldn't shut-up either..."

Then he left, leaving Deidara to rant, and froth at the mouth, Sasori to brush his barbie doll's, that looked an awful lot like Ginhoshi, hair, Hidan to laugh, than flinch in pain from his coffee burns, Kakuzu to fume, his tentacles lashing out angerily, Tobi to run repeatedly headfirst into the wall, babbling about waffles, and Pein and Konan to prayed to be put out of their misery.

...

Kisame walked into the room he shared with Itachi, laughing his ass off. "Well, everyone officially thinks you two are screwing eachother!"

I raised an eyebrow, and gave him a weird look. Itachi smirked, and flipped the page on the book in his hands. I rolled my eyes at Kisame, and turned the page on the book in my lap, slowly, and looked at Itachi. "By the way, thanks for giving me my book back. But you didn't have to make such a scene about it..."

He smirked. "I know... But it's always more fun to toy with their simple minds..."

I nodded my head in agreement. "True. Very true..."

**Now how about that, huh? Huh? Yeah, I'm a very weird person, but I just HAD to make this one. Or it would be forever floating in the empty void that is my mind... What are we talking about again? Anyway, reviews are appreciated and most definantly welcome!^^**


	5. OkaySo Who's Gonna Wear It This Time?

**Hello! Here is chapter 5 of my epic random short stories involving the coolest and most badass organization in the f**king world^^ Enjoy, and remember; Don't attract the attention of pedophiles, and don't accept candy from random guys wearing white tank tops, look like transexuals, *cough*DEIDARA!*cough* in the back of white windowless vans.**

**Okay... So who's gonna wear it this time?**

"GIVE ME YOUR SOUL, DAMNIT!"

"SCREW YOU, PEDO-SNAKE!"

I yelled back at the psychotic pedophile on my heels, as I picked up speed and jumped over five trees, landing on the balls of my feet and sprinting over the grassland to the ravine, aka, the Akatsuki hideout.

When I reached the edge of the cliff, I scrambled over the edge, landing delicately on the surface of the water, now face to face with an enormous boulder, the only way into my safe haven from being molested by some creep who just doesn't know what "Fuck off" means.

Just as I was about to form the last handsign to unlock the seal and allow me access to the only place with my pepper spray, something reached up from under the water and grabbed my ankle tightly, making me shriek at the top of my lungs, "RAPE!"

Laughter and guffaws followed my hysterical rape victim outburst, earning a deadly growl in the back of my throat as I gritted my teeth, my eyes narrowing.

Kisame and Deidara.

Those bitches.

"Oh my freaking God, did you see her face, yeah? She looked like she was gonna shit a brick, un!" The blond whore wheezed out between bursts of laughter, jumping down from his first row seat to my now building rage.

"I know! Looks like kitty's not so big and bad afterall!" Kisame laughed out, snickering and coming up from under the water, disturbingly dry.

My eye twitched and my face turned red, an bitchslap aross the face just about to take place, when I remembered my reptilian related problem.

"Oh shit fuck! Guys, code 5, code freaking 5! It's back!" I yelled out, my violet eyes huge.

Well that sure shut the bitches up.

"You don't mean _it_ do you, Ginhoshi, un?" Deidara said hesitantly, putting his hands over his ass, just in case.

I nodded and then huddled in a group with them and whispered darkly, "Guys... You know what we must do to survive, don't you?" They proptly nodded, knowing what must be done to save our asses from rape.

"Yeah, un..."

"We know..."

I nodded and looked at the now visible Orochimaru with rape eyes, slithering over the edge of the gorge.

"Okay then... So who'e going to wear the Sasuke costume this time?"


	6. Damn You Itachi

**I have been going through alot lately, mainly finding out that the person I'm dating is a sociopath, bent on breaking me down, until I have no one left but him, where he has me all to himself, which is quite terrifying, and I've been left to face this alone. I've been thinking of ways to fight back, but so far, I've been losing people who can help me, sooo, any ideas, would be the greatest help ever. And I do not own Naruto.**

**Chapter 6**

_Damnit, he's still following me, un! _

The blonde thought, picking up his pace and speed walking down the seeminly endless hallways of the Akatsuki's hidden base.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit!_

"Sempai!"

_Damnit!_ Deidara fumed, coming to a halt in the middle of the hallway, clenching his fists and gritting his teeth, taking a deep breath, his eye twitching slightly. "I swear to Kami, if he does it again..."

"Sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai, sempai-"

"WHAT TOBI?"

There was a pause, as the childish man stopped bouncing up and down in front of his clearly pissed Sempai, whose face was deep red, his nostrils were flared.

"Uhm..." Tobi pondered, poking himself in the forehead, then shrugging. "Oh yeah! Tobi wanted to ask Deidara-sempai if he would like to-"

"I absolutely _refuse _to do anything with you, un!" Deidara shrieked in his face, spinning on heel and storming back down the hallway he had come from to originally escape Tobi's annoying presence.

"But sempai!"

"NO!"

Tobi's sholuders slupped and he called down the hall to another room, "Sorry, Ginhoshi-chan! Deidara-sempai said no to going bathing suit shopping with you and Konan!"

At the other end of the hall, Deidara froze, smacking face first into the wall, a girly whine heard behind him. "Well crap! Ah, might as well bring Itachi along... Hey, Itachi-kun! I have a favor to ask of you!"

At that comment, Deidara died alittle inside, before promptly blacking out from head trauma.


	7. Pierced Pervert

**My dirty mind came up with this on a whim, so don't judge me! It's funny and it's kind of obvious how I see Pein's split personality. It's perverted. And hides in people's closets at night and steals their underwear- ON WITH THE STORY!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor shall I ever, shit -.-**

**Chapter 8**

As I walked down the hall, I got an almost unsettling feeling, as if somebody had been invading my personal space, yet again.

_Psh, it could be any one of these perverts... _

I opened my door and flicked on my light, to turn around to the most unheard of sight in exsistance. For there, in the corner of my room, huddled in a squatting position, was none other than the very much real leader of the Akatsuki, displaying a habit I thought only Orochimaru or Hidan when he was PMSing was capable of. The renowned and highly _respected_ leader of our organization, was molesting a pair of my underwear, snickering to himself.

_I think he's cracked._

"Really, Leader, really?" I said, my eye beginning to twitch as I set the lock down on my door to ensure no escape route for him. His eyes darted to the sound of my voice, looking at me, his eyes quite huge, in fact, then back at my underwear he possessed in his hands, then back to me once more, and started to slowly put the underwear in his cloak pocket.

"Uh... This isn't how it looks..." He said, edging back an inch. I then noticed it was also my favorite pair of underwear that had been missing for quite some time now. I figured Kakuzu stole them and sold them to some pedophile. Lucky me.

I shut the door behind me with my foot, walking over to him and bending down right in front of him. He held his breath, most likely expecting me to slap him or something similar to that. I reached my hand out, sticking it into his cloak and pulled me underwear out and shoving them in my shirt, the end sticking out of the top.

"_Mine._ If you want something from me, try asking, Leader." I said quietly, before standing up straight and crossing my arms firmly under my chest and glaring at him.

Pein smiled kind of sheepishly, and sweatdropped, standing up as well, scratching the back of his head, laughing slightly nervously. "Hehe, I should, shouldn't I?... So..." He leaned down into my face, smirking slightly, "Can I have them back, please?..." He held out one of his hands, the other behind his back. I made an Itachi death glare and pointed to my door.

"Ju-just get out before I slap you." I said darkly, my face flushed red with embarrassment. He pouted and opened his mouth to ask again, when I do believe I snapped inside. "JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM, YOU PIERCED PERVERT!"

Nobody needed to ask him twice as he scampered out, smacking into kakuzu on the way out, who questioningly stuck his head in my room.

"What's-"

A pair of my underwear hit him in the face, making him blink. "JUST GET OUT ALREADY!" He smirked, pulling the underwear into his pocket and pulled out of my doorway. "Whatever you say, Ginhoshi, whatever you say..."

**It was too tempting to resist, lol. Reviews!^^**


	8. Author's Note

**Dear readers,**

**As much as it pains me to tell my readers of this, I will be placing all of my stories on a temporary hiatus mode. For how long, I do not know. I apologize to any disappointed followers of my stories that are patiently awaiting updates on my stories. But lately, I've gone through a rough time. I'm dealing with the bearing weight of my father's death, my mother's depression leading to an addiction to meth, and an abusive boyfriend who offers no sympathy. I wish I had it in my heart to continue writing, but my heart is so very broken now, and I know not how to mend it other than with time... Please understand my situation and hopefully, I can figure out what I should do with myself soon and will be posting again. So please accept my apology.**

**Until then, GreenStar13**


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